magical dreamer

Easier to blog from a laptop but it isn't what I always want to do. I am not sure if people in my closer circle perceive my problems/pains as a lack of something to do. Over the past year, where I was stressed and worried about school, money, kids, my marriage and my weight/body shape, certain people keep giving me advice about what to do with my free time. Like why don't I start a blog about bags or things I like? Why don't I get a job? Why don't I exercise or go to the gym? I already have a blog, but I feel like I can't have a blog solely about bags because I honestly don't care that much about bags anymore. I might have bags that interest me here and there but it is no longer a constant thing. Besides, I already have this blog. It is personal/anonymous so I guess it's not what that person meant. And anyway, I just can't get the motivation for these suggestions; except thinking that my problems are "imaginary" and that I need to keep myself...

I'm so pleased with my diet progress. I've lost 3 kgs since the beginning of July but it's not all recorded in my weight-loss page. It's okay though...it's all in my gym records as they have the scales that also know body fat and muscle and so on. Would love to be a regular at body pump at least twice a week in addition to my twice a week personal training sessions. Then maybe riding once a week. Increased activity levels will surely help me feel better about myself! I also got a new pinterest account due to the fact that I gave access to some IRL business associates to my old one and I don't feel like sharing my personal life with everyone so, here it is: https://www.pinterest.com/sapphiresandlace/

I weighed myself today and I am .9 kgs less than the last weigh-in. It's a start. I feel enough is enough and it's time to see something change and I'll do everything I can to make it happen. Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping because I have some acid reflux and I'm craving some quinoa. But I will not be giving in to the cravings. I'll have quinoa tomorrow with one of my meals perhaps, but I will avoid everything that makes me binge-eat. No more biscuits and chocolates. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday. Going to have to make sure I don't eat anything I'm not supposed to. It will be hard but prior to getting married, I could always keep myself in check even in special events. It was only when I got a bit older that I started binge-eating whenever I met up with my friends. The title of the post refers to my semester. I don't now what's going to happen with the remainder of my assignments and projects, but I do hope I do enough to pass. At ...

whether i have the surgery or not, i need to reach a healthy bmi. i need to reach a healthy weight. it's time to go back on track with the weight loss journey. 

I didn't weigh myself yesterday because I completely forgot. I was so busy I overslept and missed my class this morning and I feel so bad about that.  I also feel bad about everything I ate when i had dinner at my mom's today.  Just need to get serious now... it isn't smart what i'm doing. wish i didn't miss the class...

...while waiting for a delayed flight home. I called mom to speak to my daughter who told me she misses me and to please come home. It warmed my heart to hear that and I can't wait to go home.  I am so squeamish about my diastasis recti, or abdominal muscle separation. I keep imagining my guts spilling out even though I know it is physically impossible.

My popflex active clothes are here and look amazing! Already thinking of what else i want from there! Everything looks so gorgeous i just don't know what i'd choose! This morning i attended body pump at my gym and it went great! i just kept the weights light and didn't carry the bar on my back for squats. i considered it my workout of the day and didn't add on to it once i got home.  My appointment with the plastic surgeon is tomorrow. i need to write down my questions and concerns on a piece of paper so i don't forget in the moment. 

Today I did some hiit on the treadmill and then some pilates even though i had a headache but i'm glad i forced myself to push through it. my belly is deflating but i'm still planning to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation next week to figure out my options.  Decided to get my kids matching beds, which means my youngest will no longer be in a baby bed. if i have more babies in the future (which i do hope & pray that i do) i dont think i'll get a convertable bed again.  My sephora order arrived in record speed and i'm very pleased. can't wait to use this mask. happy it comes with an application brush!  

I received my order from gymshark today and now I can safely say I understand why their leggings are always out of stock.Can't wait to wear them to the gym! Plans for tomorrow: -take the kids to preschool -workout -go to physiotherapy -finish my finance assignment and project (scared of these) -go to school to hand in the project and take the kids along -come back home and wait for hubby to get home from work -head to my hair color appointment (even though i havent made a decision about what to do with my hair) -take my bracelets to cartier to get the screws changed (bleh)  And that's all, folks! 

I finally made an order from Popflex Active It's so pretty like a dance outfit! They have a lot of lovely outfits I think I'm going to order some more after I receive my order and ensure the size is okay. 

In terms of school... finish up my remaining research and study in order to be done with my semester by the end of April. No travel plans for May so i can just relax until my summer semester starts. Probably can properly toilet train/enfroce toilet training for my daughter.  In terms of my body... -Go back to intermitten fasting as soon as we are home from the holidays. -Use the treadmill for 20 mins minimum every day -Add 1 pop pilates video to my workouts every other day. -Record weight once a week Depending on my progress, i will schedule an appointment with a plastic in 4 months. By then I'll hopefully have graduated and can afford to have some downtime. I wont necessarily have the surgery in August...maybe something like September or something. I need to be able to schedule it properly so it doesnt come between launching my own business.  My procedure of choice? Liposuction. Why? Because even when I had a BMI of 18, I still had belly fat. I am genetically dispositioned to...

After last night's International Finance class I felt full of hope. I felt that the professor wants to help us learn any way possible. And i have already prepared a daily to do list in order to finish all my assignments in time.  I am not sure if I mentioned my back injury. It was irritated while doing crossfit (first attempt ever) and i had to get an MRI done. It shows that my prolapsed disc is now pressing on a nerve (it previously wasn't) and the orthopedic i saw suggestion i get started with spinal decompression therapy.  In addition, I am planning to see a plastic surgeon asap to talk about what could be done to improve my body. This exercise downtime is going to make it even harder for me to reach my goals. I am a person who was fit and athletic most of my life. I wasn't all cut up and muscular but i had decent muscle gain. i worked out every day of the week. 2-3 times a week at the gym and riding horses 5 times a week. I was disciplined and ate mostly healthy. My die...

I've reached a point where I really can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. My body feels hideous and I honestly don't feel like it could get better anymore. It's possible I am not losing weight because my carb intake is still very high and I still have sugar in my hot drinks. I just don't know what to do. I can stand the idea of having no sugar but for example, no dairy? To me that's insane. I love my little cups of love (warm milk and tea) and they are a pick me up. Looks like I'll need to find another way to have my daily pick me up. And now after agitating my back injury (spinal stenosis) I don't know when I would be able to work out again. I don't want to jump back into it as soon as the pain subsides (not that it looks like it will any time soon). So generally I just feel like crap now and I don't know what to do with myself...

So apparently i hurt my back in a rigorous 1.30 minute session of body pump. What can i say...i got a bit too excited. but in my defense there weren't many choices of what weights to carry so i always ended up carrying heavier than lighter.  i did decide though that i'm not too fond of the evening crowd to be honest... the kids are still home from school but i'm still keeping them home tomorrow so i could go out. been feeling so down lately i just need to do something out alone. the precious group i went out with just made me feel worse.  bleh...thinking of not going to uni tonight...i can't believe i'm still a student. but i can't give up now. only 2 more semesters at this rate. 

I am going to make a list of things for me to get out in the world because I can't keep them inside any longer: My work for finance doesn't seem like it will end any time soon.  Instead of losing weight, I am gaining it. The worst week in the world to start potty training my daughter but I am going to try my best to keep it laid back  My marriage is, well.... nothing to say here. My back hurts more than ever. I want this semester to end already!!

So I keep browsing the adidas website and especially the Stella Mccartney collections. I have my eyes on a couple of pieces but I'm not going to oblige myself this one. The only reason I'll allow myself to purchase new gym clothes is if I lose a lot of weight and my current ones are too big. I doubt this would happen as this plateau I've hit seems like it's no longer a plateau and just a straight line. As for the car, the dealership informed me that they currently only have it in white and silver with the interior combination that I prefer. It doesn't matter to me too much so I will probably just go for the white. I hope that it is still available next week as I'm not going to make the commitment too fast!

If nothing screams desperate, I do. I've started looking around for meal replacement shakes and found this one from 310 Nutrition . At this point I'm willing to try anything since my weight has stagnated for months now despite my dietary changes and workouts. Been feeling really down about it. Thinking of ordering these and seeing if they help. I already never know what to eat for lunch so I figure if I have one in the morning and push my breakfast to lunch and have a salad at night it might work? 

I am so determined to lose weight. My belly feels hideous...i feel hideous. I lost weight and regained fitness much faster after having dd even though after ds I went back to the gym 6 weeks after the birth. Ds is now almost 18 months and I'm still overweight, still have a belly hanging and fat all over my body.  Tired of seeing slow or no results. People say it's normal but it's not normal for me. After dd I saw quick results in 4 months whereas right now I have a much better level of fitness. I wonder what's causing this? The bc pills? the anti-depressant? The asthma medication I went on for a month in April? I have no idea. Guess it means whatever the reason I just need to work harder to get past this. 

This picture makes my heart sing! I haven't shared my latest chanel purchase yet, but I've been exhausted after my gym sessions!  I really miss watching Gilmore Girls, but I've gone through it from beginning to end so many times, the latest time being quite recent, too. 

My horse has been missing for maybe a year now and I just now managed to find it. I had given it to DD to play with and I ended up finding it in her lunchbox.  Yesterday I went to the gym and did both body pump and spinning. I was supposed to go today too but woke up feeling a bit sick so I decided to play it safe and cancel my sessions. Tomorrow morning I've got a work related meeting. in the evening im torn between planning to go out with the kids or stay home and watch a family movie like Monster Inc or something. I need a new camera charger as I seem to have lost my old one. But at the same time going out means I'll mess up the kids' sleep schedules... DH had a 3 day weekend but it is coming to an end today. I miss him already.