magical dreamer

I just really want to graduate. I can't handle this tension. I want my finals to end once and for all. Someone please knock some sense into me if I ever consider being a student again. This is what my meals have been looking like lately. I love broccoli!   

I weighed myself today and I am .9 kgs less than the last weigh-in. It's a start. I feel enough is enough and it's time to see something change and I'll do everything I can to make it happen. Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping because I have some acid reflux and I'm craving some quinoa. But I will not be giving in to the cravings. I'll have quinoa tomorrow with one of my meals perhaps, but I will avoid everything that makes me binge-eat. No more biscuits and chocolates. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday. Going to have to make sure I don't eat anything I'm not supposed to. It will be hard but prior to getting married, I could always keep myself in check even in special events. It was only when I got a bit older that I started binge-eating whenever I met up with my friends. The title of the post refers to my semester. I don't now what's going to happen with the remainder of my assignments and projects, but I do hope I do enough to pass. At ...

This subject has the following remaining: -Classwork assignment -Case study 1 -Quiz retake -Case study 2 -Final project And then the final exam on the 23rd or 24th of July. Not much left only 3 weeks!! Gotta work hard so I can earn my freedom!

I've realized lately that when something upsetting happens, especially if it's at school, I fail to write about it. I just feel like I want it to pass like business as usual. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. But this time I think I should write about it because I'm not going to get closure anyway. So yesterday, I had a business plan presentation. My final final thing for my capstone project. I was new to the group and new to the professor but I feel I was prejudiced as the "late-comer" even though it wasn't my fault. I mean, I never defended myself because I didn't want to appear as if I were blaming the university administration when I know that given what they do, someone unrelated would have to shoulder the blame knowing completely it wasn't their job. So instead of defending myself and attacking the university, I stay silent so I appear as if I deserve being called the "late-comer". I had gotten approval for my business pl...

I no longer wish to put in the full effort. I can't take the disappointment. All the pain, the emotional burden, the time I spent not giving my kids the 100% they deserve and I end up with the bare minimum in comparison to others. This has been one of the worst decisions I have ever made and I can't wait for it to be over.

I've finally found an economics professor that actually does an honest job teaching. Or maybe I should try and be more fair and say is able to teach in a way that makes most sense to me. This evens up everything I've gone through and had to put up with and feel very pleased so far.

I can't believe it's been 20 days since I last posted. I have been really busy with my school work. My holiday was partially spent on school work, but it still wasn't enough. I am probably going to fail 1 subject out of 4. One of the others has a presentation of a big research that we weren't informed of early enough and I have asked to have mine postponed and be like a re-sit 1 week later but I haven't heard back yet. It's almost as if the professor doesn't even read his emails. It's frustrating. The groups in class all had their work done by people they paid to do it. It's as if plagiarism doesn't have meaning in this school, it really hurts. This is why I opted not to work with any of them because I don't want my name to be stamped on something that I or my group mates didn't do ourselves; especially since I plan to one day go for a research degree so I would never be happy with this. But what's the point if I fail this 2nd subje...

Week by week I keep saying this week I'll go to class prepared, I'll have everything done before the day comes, everything will be fine. But it never is. It NEVER is. What is wrong with me?

It appears I've responded to the amount of pressure I've been under by being on holiday mode; as have my classmates- or some of them at least. But I will study. I should study. My daughter's nursery sent home a teddy bear with her last weekend and apparently it's a class thing where every child gets to take Mr. Bear home with them one weekend. There was a scrapbook in her backpack that I guess I am supposed to add pictures of her with Mr. Bear from. The scrapbook was really lovely, I enjoyed going through it with her and having her point out the names of her friends. But there were at least 2 children that she didn't know. Oh yes, I haven't posted much about my car! The 2016 Audi Q7 is an absolute dream to drive. I'm very pleased with it. I don't think I want to drive anything else now after I've been spoiled by this car. Here is an interior shot from earlier today.

Today I decided to order a few things from Net-A-Porter that I've kinda had my eyes on. First, the top and leggings because they look so amazing and remind me of the stylish gym clothes that gymnasts wear. The cosmetic case...I just had to. I needed a larger cosmetic case due to constantly moving around from our place to mom's and that specific print was the perfect option. Charlotte Olympia, well, because it's Charlotte Olympia and Barbie! I was born in the 80s, that shade of pink is pure nostalgia for me and my favorite shade of pink! I also came to the conclusion that I can only do 2 courses this semester and planning to go in tomorrow to drop my third one. It wasn't really that easy to come to that decision but my son is quite hyper and often gets hurt as a result. It's hard for me to think about studying or leaving him when I know he falls so often. Hopefully by December we'll know if he can get a spot at preschool. If he's putting his energy out in...

It seems 3 subjects per semester is a bit too much stress for me and I don't enjoy it. However, there is no point in me stalling any longer. I should work hard now so that I can relax later. 8 more weeks, meaning 7 or less classes. There is a holiday in the mix somewhere so it's not like I'll have to attend the classes that much longer...

Just thought that we all need reminders from time to time. Whether it be losing the remaining belly since having my baby (I've come a long way), going back to graduate studies, and traveling to Japan. I can do these things and I will. Maybe I should prioritize though, between graduate studies and Japan, because both are costly and I would rather finish my graduate studies first- and till then maybe vacation at less expensive locations. Like the Maldives or Kuala Lumpur. My scales at home aren't the type that tells you how much of your weight is body fat. But maybe it would be a good idea to invest in some? I also really want to start TTC, but would it be a good time with graduate studies coming up and me still trying to get fit, and the fact that we do not have a house yet? The heart wants what it wants, even if one's brain doesn't agree.