magical dreamer

I have: -An assignment -A case study -A quiz -A business plan All due within the next 10 days. What have I been doing today? Playing wow.  My tummy bloat is giving me extreme discomfort at the moment. It's almost as if my stomach is so used to being bloated that when I haven't eaten and it's not bloated, it hangs forward like an apron and hurts me at the top of the stomach. Maybe I should get the advice of both a dietican and internal medicine specialist before having my abdominoplasty. 

I no longer wish to put in the full effort. I can't take the disappointment. All the pain, the emotional burden, the time I spent not giving my kids the 100% they deserve and I end up with the bare minimum in comparison to others. This has been one of the worst decisions I have ever made and I can't wait for it to be over.

...until I toughened up, and tried the emerald nightmare on normal mode. And it was easy. So I toughened up further and tried the assault on violet hold and the vault of the wardens, both on mythic. The first one had a more experienced overall group and it was incredibly easy, I barely healed at all. The second group had experienced and well-geared players and it also had an off-spec tank who was only tanking to boost his friend, so it was slightly more challenging but still do-able. The challenge was enjoyable and not at all stressful.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll try mythic blackrook hold and use my level 2 keystone for cathedral of eternal night. Hubby may join the latter.  I want to get ready to do the normal nighthold raid before tomb of sargeras is released on wednesday. Cutting it kinda close but worth a shot.

Feeling hopeful. My midterms just finished and one of my subjects only has 2 sessions remaining. Then I'll only have one class per week until the end of July. It'll be perfect time for me to go back to the gym and relax a bit before I graduate.  That's not to say that my remaining subject is easy breazy, it'll take a lot of work. But at least I'll be able to do it without stressing over several subjects at once.  I think pushing the surgery until September is better so that I can have the summer free to spend with my kids. We aren't taking any holidays but that's fine, we need to settle into a routine that has no interruptions. They can help me reorganize the house, or destroy it after I've organized it whichever perspective you look at it. 

When I was younger my family wondered who i was talking to whenever i was showering. They could hear talking but it was muffled through the shower and door etc. People sing in the shower...i don't, i give interviews! Usually about the latest movie I had started in. It's strange because I don't like being the center of attention nor do i like acting. i wouldn't know how to say anything meaningful if i were ever interviewed for real.  Lately it's been different. i give myself a therapy session in the shower, or i give a presentation or interview about some personal or professional achievement. maybe one day i'll discover what i'm really good at...make a breakthrough...but refuse to give real interviews- only shower ones. 

You really don't know how you would react to a situation until it actually happens. There are thoughts that just make me angry and upset that I can't really handle but then all of a sudden one thing happens and you think it won't undo anything yet you realize that your pain levels have decreased. Nothing will ever be the same, of course, but it's almost as if a shadow that has once clouded yours and everyone else's thoughts has been washed away by daylight. I recently started outlining chapters of a story that I was planning to write. I reached a point where I know more or less what's going to happen, but I've run out of things to outline. I don't want to reach the end yet but I guess this is how stories become stretched out more than you should and it waters down whatever real content they may have. I am an amateur, though, and I don't think anyone is going to read my story. So maybe it doesn't matter? My tummy tuck issue has brought up a fe...

Although my course load has decrease tremendously this semester... why do I feel my pressure rising? Is it because I'm THIS close to the finish line and at this point there is no way not to feel pressure? I miss when I was a graduating student last, when days were good and full of sunshine and happiness. I miss my life.

I didn't weigh myself yesterday because I completely forgot. I was so busy I overslept and missed my class this morning and I feel so bad about that.  I also feel bad about everything I ate when i had dinner at my mom's today.  Just need to get serious now... it isn't smart what i'm doing. wish i didn't miss the class...