magical dreamer

I've finally found an economics professor that actually does an honest job teaching. Or maybe I should try and be more fair and say is able to teach in a way that makes most sense to me. This evens up everything I've gone through and had to put up with and feel very pleased so far.

Started taking this pink bubblegum bag for a spin a while back but it already spent a bit more than a week with me and it's back in the closet. i cant wait to reduce my bag collection because i am overwhelmed for once. but i do need to mull over what to sell/give away because i have no room for regrets.  tomorrow the kids will hopefully be ready to go back to school.  

It just struck me how guilty i feel that my kids, especially my daughter, have missed 10 days of preschool. in september my daughter is starting a new chapter in a different establishment. she has really enjoyed preschool and loves her teachers and caretakers, but right now she only has one more month with them but she's sick. i would like her (both of them actually) not to still be throwing up or having loose bms before going...and what if it's contagious? i just dont know what to do.

I've started watching this show from HBO Canada, Big Little Lies. My sister mentioned it a few months ago but I don't remember the name ever sticking. Browsing around iTunes sometime last week and I initially thought, "is this the adult version of Pretty Little Liars?", but I don't know. Not really. Although it is a dark mystery type. I gave up watching Pretty Little Liars because I couldn't handle being teased anymore.  The show is extremely well done. I'm only a few episodes in but because of how well done it is, it makes me not want to miss anything. Admittedly, there are several things which are hard to watch so I tend to just skip over them. But the first time I watched the first episode I was simultaneously playing a game on Hearthstone and ended up playing Hearthstone over watching the show. Not because Hearthstone is more interesting, but because there was a degree of depth in the show that required a specific state of mind. This is not so...

Is it crazy that i want to have abdominoplasty? maybe. here are random things that come to mind pertaining to it: -i am unable to lose weight -i cant handle my abdomen looking the way it does anymore -i dont know when/if we have any more babies.  the baby issue bothers me because: -the husband situation requires intense work -the husband's finances require intense work -i dont have a job yet have been carrying the burden of taking care of this family alone

It normally isn't possible for me to lose this much weight in a week...but I've been sick and will probably regain everything I've lost. I even stopped working out because of how weak I've been, but thankfully I am getting better now. Will resume my workout regime tomorrow evening. Had the brazilian blow out yesterday...I can really see how dry and damaged the ends of my hair are...maybe it's time for another olaplex treatment or protein fillers treatment soon to try and help it.

I've started a serious weight-loss journey now with weekly weigh-ins. I will not be focusing on muscle gain or loss since for the next 6 weeks or so my weight training will be somewhat minimal. In July I should be able to attend weights training sessions at the gym again. So for now, it will only focus on weight and BMI. The first weigh-in was today and it was already recorded!

This evening I had another consultation for a tummy tuck. The dr actually said that she also recommends breast reduction, which had been on my mind but my tummy is a bigger priority for me. Tentatively, I will probably have the procedure done in September! Costs around 30% higher than the last place, but the dr really put my mind at ease which is the main reason in my mind I am ok with it. By September I hope to be at a normal BMI (25 and under). I am currently at the BMI of 26.2 or so. 

My daughter is sick and I don't know what to do. She's not so sick that she needs to go to the emergency room, even if we do go I doubt we'll be seen. But she's been throwing up and now she's asleep. She keeps complaining of tummy aches and crying. I think I'll keep her home from preschool tomorrow and take her to the outpatient clinic in the morning. We've just switched to new IKEA toddler beds today. M's asleep so she didn't realize, R however, is still trying to climb up his baby bed which makes me sad. Did I switch him too soon? I felt like he as unhappy being in a baby bed... M was unhappy even younger than him, and for her it was the right decision. Did I make the wrong choice?

I do believe my depression started when I was pregnant with my first, and it went untreated until after I had my second. During my first pregnancy, I realized my friends felt that I wasn't talking to them anymore. That I had no time to spend with them and didn't want to see them etc etc. Even though I just felt like I couldn't. I felt stranded and isolated from the world. I had bleeding for the first 5 months of pregnancy and had to remain in bed for some time after each episode of bleeding. I felt like my friends just didn't understand. It felt as if my family was not very supportive and not understanding of my pains. My aunt would blame my aches and pains on things I did. Then it got closer to the end of the pregnancy and labor was nowhere in sight. It exasperated my feeling of isolation. It felt as if there was a club of women that were able to go into labor themselves and weren't overdue like I were. It sounds so stupid and ridiculous for me to say it now but ...

That combination can't go wrong in my opinion. Introducing my seasonal mini purchased during my winter trip to Tokyo. My pink chanel collection, though, is complete. I found my last one on my spring trip, not sure if I mentioned. It's the one I saw at my home boutique on valentine's day but didn't have a chance to go back and look for it because i had. een way too busy. i'll try and put up a pic of it sometime aoon. it's such a pretty bubblegum pink and some boutiques didn't have it.

...while waiting for a delayed flight home. I called mom to speak to my daughter who told me she misses me and to please come home. It warmed my heart to hear that and I can't wait to go home.  I am so squeamish about my diastasis recti, or abdominal muscle separation. I keep imagining my guts spilling out even though I know it is physically impossible.

 Started playing persona 5 today and i've enjoyed it so much i spent almost 5 non-continuous hours on it. it felt good to be lost in a game that doesn't make one feel lonely. 

It turns out the reason for my belly looking the way it does, and the bloating after eating and looking pregnant is having separation of the abdominal muscles.  The plastic surgeon said liposuction wouldn't produce desirable results and recommends a full tummy tuck with liposuction of my back. She had originally asked me if we are planning to have more children and I said yes but we've delayed it. We are planning to wait 2+ years to have another child (for other reasons) and she said that should be fine.  I asked if there had been side effects for women who have had babies post tummy tuck. She said for women that tell her of their plans she used disolvable sutures for muscle repair which has not had any side effects. In rare cases where permanent sutures were used, babies have had low birth weights.  I'd love to go for the surgery but there's a lot of things to think about. I need to organize my thoughts. 

My popflex active clothes are here and look amazing! Already thinking of what else i want from there! Everything looks so gorgeous i just don't know what i'd choose! This morning i attended body pump at my gym and it went great! i just kept the weights light and didn't carry the bar on my back for squats. i considered it my workout of the day and didn't add on to it once i got home.  My appointment with the plastic surgeon is tomorrow. i need to write down my questions and concerns on a piece of paper so i don't forget in the moment. 

Today I did some hiit on the treadmill and then some pilates even though i had a headache but i'm glad i forced myself to push through it. my belly is deflating but i'm still planning to see a plastic surgeon for a consultation next week to figure out my options.  Decided to get my kids matching beds, which means my youngest will no longer be in a baby bed. if i have more babies in the future (which i do hope & pray that i do) i dont think i'll get a convertable bed again.  My sephora order arrived in record speed and i'm very pleased. can't wait to use this mask. happy it comes with an application brush!  

So I decided to get all this from Sephora: I've been wanting the glamglow sonic tightening mask but it wasn't available yet. I am currently using an oil facial cleanser for maybe a week now but I realized that doesn't go well with my skin and I really need to use a regular foaming one (I mean, I know what works best for me, right?) even if only once a day. And eye masks, ugh! Eye masks! I haven't slept in a looong time and it really shows! Hopefully some masks can be relaxing.