magical dreamer

I'm writing this on my phone while sitting with my kids playing in the bath. They're clapping their hands in the bubbles and building castles with them.  A week on prozac has just passed and I'm not sure if anything feels any different. Or maybe this is a significant difference that I've taken for granted: it seems I didn't have any bouts of intrusive negative thoughts this past week. Whether it is caused by prozac or not is unclear. On the other hand, jaw clenching has returned. This was a side-effect of my previous medication. It is so bad that the jaw pain is constant.  ~~~~~~~ the bath was done so i had to get the kiddos dressed and ready.  tomorrow morning i'm going to be having my second therapy session with a new therapist and i'm kinda nervous.  ~~~~~~~ something i ate at dinner got stuck and/or injured my throat and it's sore right now...making me nauseous...

I've tried writing this post before, but i just wasn't sure how to continue.  My struggle at this chapter of my life is with empathy. I've always thought of myself as a highly empathetic person, fully able to appreciate another's point of view and feelings on what they were going through. It is perhaps my empathy that's got me into this mess. However, after all that's been said and done, I am struggling to have empathy for the other side. Instead i feel: -taken advantage of -exploited -wronged -defamed -angry -guilty Anger over all the time this ordeal has wasted. Over every second and every minute i spent doubting myself, wondering, worrying, going around in circles unsure of what i did wrong when the reality was that i did absolutely nothing wrong. Guilty, not because I've caused someone else misfortune, because I haven't. Guity of the misery that I caused myself. Misery that I did not deserve. I should have been allowed to be happy and enjoy my fresh

Got FFVIII on steam recently and been playing it. The game world is my absolute favorite. The modern day setting games are always attractive to me, way more than medival settings. Dollet & Deling are both very European looking. It makes me miss travel. I would love it if the game was remade.  A mosquito bit me on the nose and it is starting to swell up. I really hope it calms down by morning, I'm planning to exercise after the morning school run and do not want to wear make up to cover redness.  

It's funny, after I'd decided that I would replace it, it was found. And I'm glad.  My nails for the week. There are 3 colors if it doesn't show.  

Tomorrow, I'm getting a new ipad. My mind is made up. I was going to have a brazilian blow-out for my hair this month but I don't care about that as much as replacing my lost ipad.  I hope we can have a snack at Laduree while we're at it...

Saw these shoes yesterday on my shopping trip and couldn't help but buy them. They were really affordable, too, in comparison to what I usually buy. Just saw them in the shop window and had to go in and try. I miss that feeling, the feeling of seeing something beautiful in person and wanting to try it. Lately most of my shopping is done online and that really takes the fun out of it. However, I am older now and get easily shopped out. I wanted to look for a skirt in a specific style and just got too tired to look.  Made an appointment with a psychiatrist dr for next weekend... I think my symptoms have gone long enough and it's time to see if there's anything that could change.  I've been wanting to change the layout and color scheme of my blog, but I just don't know where to start. When I was younger it was a passion of mine to go through layouts and write code but now I guess I just got old and boring.