Impending Doom
In terms of mental health, I am trying to pinpoint what things could mean and whether or not they are symptoms of something. I did a quiz the other day that said my results highly coincide with a person with borderline personality disorder. My mom has previously told the doctor she saw that she suspected my late father to have had something similar to borderline personality disorder and also suspects me to have it. At the time I was put on antidepressants to fight the symptoms and I also saw a therapist. The dr didn't agree or disagree with what my mom thought, or rather there probably wasn't enough information to say for sure.
Anyway, when I read about individuals having a sense of impending doom, I do wonder what that means. I wish I had someone to discuss these things with and bounce ideas off of. A sense of impending doom, does it mean one feels that they are going to die? Or that something horrible is going to happen? I recall having such feelings when my oldest was an infant. I was terrified of a nuclear war happening... or just a war and me being stranded somewhere with an infant I couldn't feed. It made me constantly on edge. Lately, it hasn't been that severe, but I sometimes reach a point where I feel that if the world were to end, I wouldn't care, that the situation I was in is worse than the world ending. Then at other times it feels like I am in a situation where there is no way out. I'm not sure which of these situations passes for a sense of impending doom.
Another thing came to my mind lately, the issue I constantly suffer from: intrusive negative thoughts. The more I think about it the more I realize I've pretty much had this problem most of my adult life. I could never be alone with my thoughts. At certain parts of my life, I constantly needed someone to talk to because when night came and I was finally alone, the thoughts would destroy me and I would fall apart as if something really horrible had happened.
My husband tries to help me by adding logic to some of these thoughts, and while I do know that logically, it's not possible for something like that to happen (no examples right now), but there is no way to make these things stop because I didn't get there using logic to begin with.
Here's what I'm wondering: what if these thoughts aren't mine? what if they are hallucinations? what if they are the equivalent of having voices in my head? Maybe this is an extreme way of putting it, because I was once told that if you think someone is a hallucination, then it probably isn't because people who have hallucinations would never even question them because they appear very real.
Either way, I think I need help. It has been extremely difficult to cope with my thoughts. And I do wish I had an understanding community to talk to.
Anyway, when I read about individuals having a sense of impending doom, I do wonder what that means. I wish I had someone to discuss these things with and bounce ideas off of. A sense of impending doom, does it mean one feels that they are going to die? Or that something horrible is going to happen? I recall having such feelings when my oldest was an infant. I was terrified of a nuclear war happening... or just a war and me being stranded somewhere with an infant I couldn't feed. It made me constantly on edge. Lately, it hasn't been that severe, but I sometimes reach a point where I feel that if the world were to end, I wouldn't care, that the situation I was in is worse than the world ending. Then at other times it feels like I am in a situation where there is no way out. I'm not sure which of these situations passes for a sense of impending doom.
Another thing came to my mind lately, the issue I constantly suffer from: intrusive negative thoughts. The more I think about it the more I realize I've pretty much had this problem most of my adult life. I could never be alone with my thoughts. At certain parts of my life, I constantly needed someone to talk to because when night came and I was finally alone, the thoughts would destroy me and I would fall apart as if something really horrible had happened.
My husband tries to help me by adding logic to some of these thoughts, and while I do know that logically, it's not possible for something like that to happen (no examples right now), but there is no way to make these things stop because I didn't get there using logic to begin with.
Here's what I'm wondering: what if these thoughts aren't mine? what if they are hallucinations? what if they are the equivalent of having voices in my head? Maybe this is an extreme way of putting it, because I was once told that if you think someone is a hallucination, then it probably isn't because people who have hallucinations would never even question them because they appear very real.
Either way, I think I need help. It has been extremely difficult to cope with my thoughts. And I do wish I had an understanding community to talk to.
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