magical dreamer

It feels there isn't anything to look forward to anymore. I'll never go anywhere or do anything. School results are coming back within this week. Maybe based on that, i should just apply for a job. it would help me a lot not to need anything from anyone.   

these days i find myself getting extremely aggravated over things like sharing with individuals that don't reciprecate or do not appreciate what i bring to the table. the aggravation isn't a pleasant thing to deal with, but i guess this is a good place to start in order to finally identify when situations are good for me or when they aren't.

Now that school's out I can play wow and post about it as much as i'd like. My main currently is my paladin on draenor. Sitting at ilvl 909. Haven't been able to join any ToS raids but hopefully soon. i've been too busy to get invested in learning the mechanics. Current gear look is a transmog look but it is getting changed soon. hoping to get the full ulduar set soon as i think it looks great and ulduar is so nostalgic!

I'm so pleased with my diet progress. I've lost 3 kgs since the beginning of July but it's not all recorded in my weight-loss page. It's okay though...it's all in my gym records as they have the scales that also know body fat and muscle and so on. Would love to be a regular at body pump at least twice a week in addition to my twice a week personal training sessions. Then maybe riding once a week. Increased activity levels will surely help me feel better about myself! I also got a new pinterest account due to the fact that I gave access to some IRL business associates to my old one and I don't feel like sharing my personal life with everyone so, here it is: https://www.pinterest.com/sapphiresandlace/

My original engagement ring. Haven't worn it for a while so i decided to store the other one and use this one.  So disappointed in my nail polish, though...started chipping on the same day. It was the salon's own brand and i was warned it would only last a few days. But same day?!! School already went out, but i don't want to talk/think about that.  Had a tiny car accident which damaged my poor car. But i don't want to talk/think about that, either. Just waiting to hear from the insurance company. I don't expect them to be fast or anything...  

I just really want to graduate. I can't handle this tension. I want my finals to end once and for all. Someone please knock some sense into me if I ever consider being a student again. This is what my meals have been looking like lately. I love broccoli!   

Got this several weeks ago and have only opened it a few days ago. it's a cute pair of shoes in a style i've been interested in since january. but shows the level of interest since i haven't worn them yet. i keep telling myself that i'll stop being sharing. i'll tell people nothing. i'll keep things because sharing only hurts me. but i never learn, do i... there's no one that i havent opened up to about the surgery that i'm not going to do. but i wanted to learn from their experiences if they had them...   

I weighed myself today and I am .9 kgs less than the last weigh-in. It's a start. I feel enough is enough and it's time to see something change and I'll do everything I can to make it happen. Tonight I'm having trouble sleeping because I have some acid reflux and I'm craving some quinoa. But I will not be giving in to the cravings. I'll have quinoa tomorrow with one of my meals perhaps, but I will avoid everything that makes me binge-eat. No more biscuits and chocolates. I'm going to a wedding on Saturday. Going to have to make sure I don't eat anything I'm not supposed to. It will be hard but prior to getting married, I could always keep myself in check even in special events. It was only when I got a bit older that I started binge-eating whenever I met up with my friends. The title of the post refers to my semester. I don't now what's going to happen with the remainder of my assignments and projects, but I do hope I do enough to pass. At

whether i have the surgery or not, i need to reach a healthy bmi. i need to reach a healthy weight. it's time to go back on track with the weight loss journey. 

I share because I want to feel something. I want to feel included. I want to feel the opposite of alone. I want to feel like others are suffering the same thing. I don't want others to suffer, but I just don't want to be alone. Maybe others who have had the same issues have found different ways of dealing with it, or have moved further than me in recovery. But nothing is helping. I end up feeling even more alone than I used to. Going to see my old obgyn tomorrow... don't know how it would help.

Netflix wouldn't load at all last night so I ended up watching comedy on instagram until very late at night... don't know how i didn't wake up hubby and the kids. Tomorrow at noon I'll be going to the gym since I didn't get a chance to go today. Then on Tuesday morning I'm going to see my obgyn to get an opinion on the level of abdominal separation that I have and what a pregnancy would do to it, and ask if she's had moms that gave birth after having a tummy tuck and how that worked out. I'm having a yearning for another baby...I don't think I can wait a few years...

just an attempt at being the happy cheerful girl i remember myself to be.  loving these days of the week undies i got from hollister. so cute and comfie.  been rewatching sherlock season 1...or at least trying to. my net connection is causing the episode to get really choppy on netflix!  

This subject has the following remaining: -Classwork assignment -Case study 1 -Quiz retake -Case study 2 -Final project And then the final exam on the 23rd or 24th of July. Not much left only 3 weeks!! Gotta work hard so I can earn my freedom!

I've realized lately that when something upsetting happens, especially if it's at school, I fail to write about it. I just feel like I want it to pass like business as usual. I don't want to feel the pain anymore. But this time I think I should write about it because I'm not going to get closure anyway. So yesterday, I had a business plan presentation. My final final thing for my capstone project. I was new to the group and new to the professor but I feel I was prejudiced as the "late-comer" even though it wasn't my fault. I mean, I never defended myself because I didn't want to appear as if I were blaming the university administration when I know that given what they do, someone unrelated would have to shoulder the blame knowing completely it wasn't their job. So instead of defending myself and attacking the university, I stay silent so I appear as if I deserve being called the "late-comer". I had gotten approval for my business pl