Very upsetting
I've realized lately that when something upsetting happens, especially if it's at school, I fail to write about it. I just feel like I want it to pass like business as usual. I don't want to feel the pain anymore.
But this time I think I should write about it because I'm not going to get closure anyway.
So yesterday, I had a business plan presentation. My final final thing for my capstone project. I was new to the group and new to the professor but I feel I was prejudiced as the "late-comer" even though it wasn't my fault. I mean, I never defended myself because I didn't want to appear as if I were blaming the university administration when I know that given what they do, someone unrelated would have to shoulder the blame knowing completely it wasn't their job. So instead of defending myself and attacking the university, I stay silent so I appear as if I deserve being called the "late-comer".
I had gotten approval for my business plan around 10 days ago. Granted, my work is not 10 days worth but less. However, I had enough understanding and control of the topic. I had read and evaluated the example business plan that we were given. I understood the main requirements. I knew exactly how I was going to structure my financials. I had a plan, it wasn't the perfect plan, maybe not the best plan but I felt more prepared than some of the presentations that I saw yesterday.
The professor was very critical of "food & beverage" type of businesses. I wasn't going to do a food & beverage business, and had even given him 3 different ideas 2 of which were not f&b but he said to do the f&b one.
He my classmates for financials, they showed him financials, he'd say that they're inaccurate and incorrect but he wouldn't stop them and tell them to come back later when they are ready. Some of the students he asked to do it again and come back later weren't forced to stop their presentations abruptly.
One guy said he had to leave and would be back in 45 minutes, so it appeared as if the professor wanted to take a break and at the same time wanted to do well by the other guy. As if the rest of us didn't matter. There was me and 2 others that wanted to present. He basically shut the 3 of us down in 2 minutes or less. Or no, he knew the others so he didn't shut that down that fast, he gave them half a chance, THEN he shut them down.
I, on the other hand, was shut down instantly. He made a comment about my business name and said that it wasn't good. I took it in good heart and responded with a quick explanation and he said okay then maybe it wasn't so bad. I had a structure made for my presentation. I had slides and a flow of conversation that I wanted to do. He had no interest. He quickly asked me for pictures of my product. I didn't have any pictures of product. I have never been asked to use pictures of product and I have presented business plans in the past. I have been taught to depend on my speech and my method of illustration, linguistically. This should not have been a deciding factor for rejection. He said, "where's your menu?" I tried to explain what my product was and that it required no menu and that's when he shut me down and said to come back when I'm prepared.
To say that I was livid was an understatement.
I stayed in class trying to "find pictures" (it's so stupid- pictures that do not belong to me to illustrate my imaginary product and my imaginary place of business? I suppose the sources of those pictures doesn't matter?) to see if I could just present on the same day and be done with this nonsense.
There was one other guy who said he was building a cafe and that was his business plan. It was the 45 minute guy. The professor didn't rush him and demand pictures of products and a menu. Granted, his presentation eventually had pictures, but it didn't at the beginning. He didn't have a detailed menu, he just had a list of items just like I did. Why was I wrong and he wasn't?
Later on I went to discuss what else my business plan was missing. He went on and on about how unprepared I was and how rushed my work was that I didn't show him anything in terms of contingency plans, risks, related products, competition (he didn't ask this of anyone else- not one other presentation said anything about competition in the market) and financial plans. When I started to explain that I already had identified risks and contingency plans he quickly interrupted me and said that he is uncomfortable with the speed of which I was responding to him. He claimed that I appear to have no grasp of what the topic is, as if I was just repeating whatever he was saying like a parrot. Then when I was silent he acted like I was challenging him and proceeded to tell me that he started a company long before my country and I were born, even though I said nothing to be told that. I didn't challenge his credibility or knowledge and experience. This is actually a professor that I hoped to learn from.
So I decided to change the topic and ask to show him my financials. I tried to explain that based on my projections, the company would break even on the 3rd year. He told me to stop wasting my breath and that he could read financials himself. He told me that my financials are okay and accurate. Looked at my references and said they were outdated (2014 is outdated for f&b apparently). Then said that my sources of references weren't good enough even though the journal was on the database of academic journals that the university pays for. At first I misunderstood and tried to ask him, but I guess my voice is low and I mumble so he started saying, "I told you everything you need and you still have questions? what do you still have to say?" when what I misunderstood was that he was displeased with my Harvard style of references to which he said was okay. If he had bothered to listen to my presentation and allow me to discuss my topic he would have found it as "okay and accurate" as he found my financials but he just wasn't interested in listening for some unknown reason.
I just don't understand why this happens. There was a person speaking to him just before I approached him and it was obvious the person had cheated. The professor could tell from the sources and even though he never went out and said it I understood completely. Yet he was respectful of him and told exactly what he needed done. With me, he needed to puff out his feathers and tell me that I am inadequate and that I understand nothing. Why? I just don't know.
This system of study that I got myself into seems to butter up the liars and cheaters and break down the honest workers. Last semester I pulled myself out of a group research project because my group-mates were all cheating. I tried to find another group to join and it turns out every single group in that class was cheating. Even the group that I thought was the honest hard working one. They said, "why should we put effort and get low grades when everyone else passes without doing anything?". I couldn't believe my ears. Maybe it is because I am an academic. I would love to have a career of writing research papers. I would love to work in a university. I would love to be an assistant to a professor I respected that also gave me that same respect.
I wrote all this to get my feelings out. Because I'm not going to stay silent this time. I will make the modifications I was asked to do, but I will not stay silent. It may cost me this entire semester and I may have to repeat if what I ends up coming out the wrong way or he takes it the wrong way. But I don't find it acceptable for myself to be treated like this. I should be a person that speaks up, that doesn't get walked over, that doesn't get shut down. But I'm not. I'm quiet and shy and hate conflict. Does that mean I should get punished for being who I am?
But this time I think I should write about it because I'm not going to get closure anyway.
So yesterday, I had a business plan presentation. My final final thing for my capstone project. I was new to the group and new to the professor but I feel I was prejudiced as the "late-comer" even though it wasn't my fault. I mean, I never defended myself because I didn't want to appear as if I were blaming the university administration when I know that given what they do, someone unrelated would have to shoulder the blame knowing completely it wasn't their job. So instead of defending myself and attacking the university, I stay silent so I appear as if I deserve being called the "late-comer".
I had gotten approval for my business plan around 10 days ago. Granted, my work is not 10 days worth but less. However, I had enough understanding and control of the topic. I had read and evaluated the example business plan that we were given. I understood the main requirements. I knew exactly how I was going to structure my financials. I had a plan, it wasn't the perfect plan, maybe not the best plan but I felt more prepared than some of the presentations that I saw yesterday.
The professor was very critical of "food & beverage" type of businesses. I wasn't going to do a food & beverage business, and had even given him 3 different ideas 2 of which were not f&b but he said to do the f&b one.
He my classmates for financials, they showed him financials, he'd say that they're inaccurate and incorrect but he wouldn't stop them and tell them to come back later when they are ready. Some of the students he asked to do it again and come back later weren't forced to stop their presentations abruptly.
One guy said he had to leave and would be back in 45 minutes, so it appeared as if the professor wanted to take a break and at the same time wanted to do well by the other guy. As if the rest of us didn't matter. There was me and 2 others that wanted to present. He basically shut the 3 of us down in 2 minutes or less. Or no, he knew the others so he didn't shut that down that fast, he gave them half a chance, THEN he shut them down.
I, on the other hand, was shut down instantly. He made a comment about my business name and said that it wasn't good. I took it in good heart and responded with a quick explanation and he said okay then maybe it wasn't so bad. I had a structure made for my presentation. I had slides and a flow of conversation that I wanted to do. He had no interest. He quickly asked me for pictures of my product. I didn't have any pictures of product. I have never been asked to use pictures of product and I have presented business plans in the past. I have been taught to depend on my speech and my method of illustration, linguistically. This should not have been a deciding factor for rejection. He said, "where's your menu?" I tried to explain what my product was and that it required no menu and that's when he shut me down and said to come back when I'm prepared.
To say that I was livid was an understatement.
I stayed in class trying to "find pictures" (it's so stupid- pictures that do not belong to me to illustrate my imaginary product and my imaginary place of business? I suppose the sources of those pictures doesn't matter?) to see if I could just present on the same day and be done with this nonsense.
There was one other guy who said he was building a cafe and that was his business plan. It was the 45 minute guy. The professor didn't rush him and demand pictures of products and a menu. Granted, his presentation eventually had pictures, but it didn't at the beginning. He didn't have a detailed menu, he just had a list of items just like I did. Why was I wrong and he wasn't?
Later on I went to discuss what else my business plan was missing. He went on and on about how unprepared I was and how rushed my work was that I didn't show him anything in terms of contingency plans, risks, related products, competition (he didn't ask this of anyone else- not one other presentation said anything about competition in the market) and financial plans. When I started to explain that I already had identified risks and contingency plans he quickly interrupted me and said that he is uncomfortable with the speed of which I was responding to him. He claimed that I appear to have no grasp of what the topic is, as if I was just repeating whatever he was saying like a parrot. Then when I was silent he acted like I was challenging him and proceeded to tell me that he started a company long before my country and I were born, even though I said nothing to be told that. I didn't challenge his credibility or knowledge and experience. This is actually a professor that I hoped to learn from.
So I decided to change the topic and ask to show him my financials. I tried to explain that based on my projections, the company would break even on the 3rd year. He told me to stop wasting my breath and that he could read financials himself. He told me that my financials are okay and accurate. Looked at my references and said they were outdated (2014 is outdated for f&b apparently). Then said that my sources of references weren't good enough even though the journal was on the database of academic journals that the university pays for. At first I misunderstood and tried to ask him, but I guess my voice is low and I mumble so he started saying, "I told you everything you need and you still have questions? what do you still have to say?" when what I misunderstood was that he was displeased with my Harvard style of references to which he said was okay. If he had bothered to listen to my presentation and allow me to discuss my topic he would have found it as "okay and accurate" as he found my financials but he just wasn't interested in listening for some unknown reason.
I just don't understand why this happens. There was a person speaking to him just before I approached him and it was obvious the person had cheated. The professor could tell from the sources and even though he never went out and said it I understood completely. Yet he was respectful of him and told exactly what he needed done. With me, he needed to puff out his feathers and tell me that I am inadequate and that I understand nothing. Why? I just don't know.
This system of study that I got myself into seems to butter up the liars and cheaters and break down the honest workers. Last semester I pulled myself out of a group research project because my group-mates were all cheating. I tried to find another group to join and it turns out every single group in that class was cheating. Even the group that I thought was the honest hard working one. They said, "why should we put effort and get low grades when everyone else passes without doing anything?". I couldn't believe my ears. Maybe it is because I am an academic. I would love to have a career of writing research papers. I would love to work in a university. I would love to be an assistant to a professor I respected that also gave me that same respect.
I wrote all this to get my feelings out. Because I'm not going to stay silent this time. I will make the modifications I was asked to do, but I will not stay silent. It may cost me this entire semester and I may have to repeat if what I ends up coming out the wrong way or he takes it the wrong way. But I don't find it acceptable for myself to be treated like this. I should be a person that speaks up, that doesn't get walked over, that doesn't get shut down. But I'm not. I'm quiet and shy and hate conflict. Does that mean I should get punished for being who I am?
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