Going Forwards
This month has been difficult due to a great many things that I do not care to get into at the moment.
My biggest problem right now is that I do not have high self-esteem and self-worth. I start feeling that everyone is talking about me, and that everyone is watching me to wait for a failure. The concept of "everyone hates you" is so arbitrary in my mind. How can a person know what everyone is thinking or what everyone is up to? How can one person be so important that everyone would want to talk about them or wonder what they do?
The truth is, I've tried so hard to appear happy and to appear as if I had been drawn the best cards there are, but I haven't and it's been harder and harder to keep up the pretense.
Earlier today my sister complained about individuals who constantly bring negativity to the room and that she feels she can no longer cope with it. I immediately felt like she was talking about me; or rather, I was the villain in the story she told.
In order to cheer myself up, I looked at the gym schedule for the month of September and there are plenty of things that I could do. School starts on the 2nd week of September but that first week is orientation week, so I still wouldn't be able to go to the gym in the mornings. But I'll probably be able to manage horse riding? Maybe schedules will help things fall into place and I'll start feeling better. Maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are.
My biggest problem right now is that I do not have high self-esteem and self-worth. I start feeling that everyone is talking about me, and that everyone is watching me to wait for a failure. The concept of "everyone hates you" is so arbitrary in my mind. How can a person know what everyone is thinking or what everyone is up to? How can one person be so important that everyone would want to talk about them or wonder what they do?
The truth is, I've tried so hard to appear happy and to appear as if I had been drawn the best cards there are, but I haven't and it's been harder and harder to keep up the pretense.
Earlier today my sister complained about individuals who constantly bring negativity to the room and that she feels she can no longer cope with it. I immediately felt like she was talking about me; or rather, I was the villain in the story she told.
In order to cheer myself up, I looked at the gym schedule for the month of September and there are plenty of things that I could do. School starts on the 2nd week of September but that first week is orientation week, so I still wouldn't be able to go to the gym in the mornings. But I'll probably be able to manage horse riding? Maybe schedules will help things fall into place and I'll start feeling better. Maybe things aren't as bad as I think they are.
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